ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
