I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
