Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
