Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
