Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
