SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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