well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
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