i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
