Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
