non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
