i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
