Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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