I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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