great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
