Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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