ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
