I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
