Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
