I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Less talking, more tequila
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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