Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
