I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
