Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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