i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize