The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
