I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
