I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
