I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
