Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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