Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
