I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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