i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
