Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
