If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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