yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I know her cup size but not her name....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
