I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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