it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
