someone threw a dead crab at me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize