I CAN MOONWALK!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
