3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
