There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
