Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize