Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize