Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
