any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize