i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
