Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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