he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im part way to drunk.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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