So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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