don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
