we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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