i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
