You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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