Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
