The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
