I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
