how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
