I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
