you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
