I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
