I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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