I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
