I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
