Its about making memories worth repressing
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
