Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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