At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
