don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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