4 words: hood of his car
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
